Why life looks good but still feels empty sa

Transcript

Why life looks good but still feels empty

Rita De Michele: What if the life that looked perfect on the outside was quietly destroying you on the inside?

Welcome to Beyond Diagnosis. I’m Rita De Michele. This podcast is for people looking beyond symptoms and searching for deeper answers. Through expert conversations and real-life stories, we explore the connection between health, lifestyle, and whole-person support, brought to you by the Beyond Diagnosis Collective, your guide and connection to trusted holistic practitioners.

Charu Moorjani was diagnosed with Guillain-Barré syndrome on her honeymoon

Joining me today is Charu Moorjani, author of The Happiness Pathway. She was diagnosed with Guillain-Barré syndrome on her honeymoon, survived, and then had to dismantle and rebuild everything else: her marriage, her identity, her grief, and her entire understanding of what happiness even means.

Welcome, Charu.

Charu Moorjani: Thank you for having me, Rita. I’m really excited to be here and chat with you today.

Rita De Michele: Oh, it’s a pleasure to have you. You know, it’s usually in those moments when our body stops and gives us a big message, which for you was Guillain-Barré syndrome, a very serious condition. We often then reflect on our lives, on what we’ve been doing, and maybe start listening to the little voice that’s been speaking to us for a while. So you were diagnosed with Guillain-Barré on your honeymoon. What do you remember about that moment when life stopped being normal for you?

Charu Moorjani: One thing I clearly remember was thinking, “This couldn’t be happening to me.” One minute I was on my honeymoon, celebrating what was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, and the next I was in hospital, completely losing trust in my body.

At first I kept telling myself, maybe it’s just weakness, you know, it’ll go away. I’ll get some medicine, and I’ll be fine. And I think so many of us do that. We try to convince ourselves that something like this couldn’t happen to us. But as my body started going into paralysis, my lungs stopped working. I was admitted to the ICU. That’s when the doctor diagnosed me with Guillain-Barré syndrome. I was terrified. I thought, “I’m going to die.” When my lungs failed, it felt like this was the last second of my life. I’m dead.

I woke up a few days later in the ICU, and looking back, I don’t think my life fell apart then. I think that was when I started to see a change inside me, because for the first time, everything was quiet. I didn’t have to perform or pretend. And it forced me to stop long enough and ask questions I’d been too busy to ask myself.

I realised I wasn’t just burnt out because I was working too hard. I was burnt out because I was living out of alignment with myself. That was the biggest thing I realised while lying in hospital for a month, not being able to speak or do anything: I had been living a life that didn’t really align with who I am.

Rita De Michele: It’s a very common story when someone gets a diagnosis, and yours happened to be Guillain-Barré. That’s often the first stage of awakening, when people go, “What am I doing?” Your life looks so successful on the outside, but you weren’t feeling true to yourself. You write that you were kind of performing happiness. What did that look like in real life? What does performing happiness mean?

Charu Moorjani: From the outside, my life looked great. I had a good career, I was achieving things, and I got married at the right age. I was ticking all the boxes society tells us will make us happy. But inside, I felt disconnected, and I wasn’t really saying that was happening. So I was smiling and pretending everything was okay. I kept saying yes when I was constantly exhausted. I had no boundaries or sense of self. I measured my worth by how productive I was and how much I could give to other people.

I became really good at looking like I had everything together. People would describe me as positive, resilient, loving, and caring. But resilience without self-awareness can become survival. It’s like living constantly in survival mode. I wasn’t really asking myself what I wanted from life. I was just living a life I thought I was supposed to be living. Before Guillain-Barré syndrome, did you feel symptoms before diagnosis?

Rita De Michele: Was your body kind of knocking before that? Usually you get symptoms, smaller warning signs before you get a big diagnosis. You know, someone once said to me, “Listen to the barking dog because it’ll keep the tiger at bay.” The barking dog, all the little symptoms, the burnout, the immune system, the exhaustion. Before you get a big diagnosis, did you feel anything happening, or were you too busy to notice?

Charu Moorjani: No, I actually did. And I think our bodies are really intelligent and give us signs along the way. Long before I got Guillain-Barré syndrome, there were signs. I was constantly tired. I was diagnosed with glandular fever at that time, and I was really busy organising a wedding.

I ignored the doctor, went to another doctor, and said, maybe I just need some iron. I don’t think I have glandular fever. And the doctor was like, “Yeah, yeah, you look fine. Maybe just take some vitamins. We’ll do your blood work. Everything looks fine.” So I pushed it under the rug.

I was so focused on organising a wedding and getting ready for a big event in my life, even though I knew inside that it wasn’t the right decision for me. Again, I was completely going against what my gut was telling me. And I think our nervous system keeps score and gives it back to us eventually. When we’re disconnected from ourselves for a long time, eventually our body makes us stop. I think that’s what happened with me.

Now I see symptoms very differently. Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of the symptom?” I ask, “What is my body trying to tell me?”

Rita De Michele: I think I can safely say many people listening to this are living in a level of denial they don’t want to face, especially when they have family and careers, and everything is full steam ahead in that part of their life. But they do feel that something is happening. It’s just seen as, “There’s no time for that. I don’t have time for that.” But eventually our body, as you said, is intelligent and it will catch up because it’s asking you for a particular need.

Your book is actually based on happiness, not health or success

When, after you survived, how did you change in how you saw your health, success in your life, and overall what your book is based on — happiness?

Charu Moorjani: What I realised was that health isn’t just the absence of illness, and success isn’t just achieving things and ticking boxes. And happiness is definitely not a destination. For years, I defined success by external things: ticking all the boxes, achieving things. 

Today, for me, success is waking up feeling peaceful, having energy in my body, having meaningful relationships where my nervous system feels safe, being able to laugh freely, and being present in what I’m doing.

For me, health became about creating a lifestyle where my body and mind could thrive, not just being in survival mode and not having any illness.

Rita De Michele: I read in your book that you really did go beyond thinking that healing isn’t just physical. It had to be emotional too, as part of your illness healing.

You got Guillain-Barré syndrome on your honeymoon

So tell us what else happened. There was a breakdown of your marriage. You had to deal with grief and loss. How did that impact you? How did you deal with it? And did that affect your Guillain-Barré at all?

Charu Moorjani: So just in terms of timeline, I got Guillain-Barré syndrome on my honeymoon. While I was going through the marriage, there were points where I thought, “This is not what I want.” I had a gut feeling that I was making a huge mistake.

But the event was happening. It was a massive, big, traditional Indian wedding — five or six days of events, and you can’t really call it off. So I went through with it, and I feel that I abandoned myself and ignored my gut feeling. I do link that with my illness as well.

After I got sick, even though my ex-husband supported me through the illness, I couldn’t go through with the marriage for four years. Initially, I was stuck in guilt, thinking that because he had supported me through illness, I should stick around.

I felt very guilty saying I didn’t want to be in that marriage because six months into the wedding I knew it wasn’t what I wanted, but I kept going.

My health started getting worse and worse. Even though I had recovered from Guillain-Barré syndrome, I had a lot of other issues with my body: back problems, regular health issues. My body was just constantly fighting against me. I realised you can heal physically and still feel lost.

Even though my body had recovered from Guillain-Barré, I still had to find my own identity who I was, what my purpose was. So healing got me back to functioning. But the search for happiness required something different.

It required intentionally creating a life that felt aligned with who I really was and taking that massive step of saying, “This doesn’t align with me. I want to live a different life.” I’m going to take that step and leave this marriage.

So healing can restore your health, for sure. But living in alignment with yourself is what truly creates a happy and fulfilling life. And that also affects your health. If you keep abandoning yourself, your body will give it back to you.

Rita De Michele: And especially on an emotional level, I find it shows up so much more and so much faster than, say, just a poor diet. Because emotionally, you can feel that disjointedness, that tightness in your spine, your stomach, the anxiety. All of those things create so many chemical reactions that just go down a path you don’t want to go down.

I’m so glad to hear that you had the strength to do something for yourself outside of what’s traditional, especially when there’s so much expectation around weddings and family. That would have taken great courage. You realised you weren’t being true to yourself. You were giving to everybody else except you, doing what everyone else expected you to do.

You also looked at your mindset. You looked at what your true identity was. What simple changes helped you come back to yourself? I read in your book that it was like gentle biohacking.

And I think a lot of my audience would go, “Oh, biohacking I’m way down the line from biohacking.”

Charu Moorjani: I think biohacking has become associated with expensive gadgets, ice baths, and extremes. For me, biohacking simply means understanding how your body works and creating the conditions for it to thrive.

So it’s getting sunlight in the morning to wake up my body, moving my body every day, eating real organic food rather than packaged, processed food.

Sleeping well is such a huge thing. I used to brag, “I only sleep four hours and function. I just need an extra coffee, and I’m fine.”

But going to bed on time is so important. Having a good, long, restful sleep is so important. That’s one of the biggest changes I’ve made in the last few years.

Managing stress before it becomes burnout is also key. Taking breaks, recognising when your body is giving you signs, and taking little breaks to do a breathing exercise for ten minutes it’s not a lot of time.

If you’re busy, you can always make ten minutes for yourself. Practising gratitude changes your brain chemistry. Building meaningful relationships matters too, because connection regulates your nervous system.

These are all forms of biohacking. They’re not complicated, they’re free, they’re sustainable, and they’re very powerful. Just these small little rituals.

You’re living a life that’s for the outside world, not for yourself

Rita De Michele: What was the biggest impact you felt from doing this? You were obviously exhausted and not aligned with yourself emotionally, and you experienced that physically. So from where you were to where you are now, it obviously took time. What kind of timeline are we looking at?

Charu Moorjani: It’s not so much about the timeline. It’s about starting small. When I realised I wasn’t living in alignment with myself, I started asking, if no one was watching, or if there was no one around to tell me what’s right, does this action feel right for me? Simple questions like that make you realise that you’re living a life that’s for the outside world, not for yourself.

Then I started doing little things that brought me peace. Spending more time with my dog. Starting the day calmly. I think that’s so important for having a good lifestyle. Even if you have kids or a constantly busy job, it doesn’t matter. Find ten minutes for yourself to have a simple coffee sitting outside in nature without any technology or disturbance before you start your day. Give yourself priority.

When I started doing that for myself, I started bringing in little things like what I just said — things that brought joy and peace into my life. That’s what changed things for me. I gradually introduced more things. Once you become self-aware and start trusting yourself, you start taking more actions toward your own happiness first.

Rita De Michele: Absolutely.

Journaling helped me release a lot of negative energy in my body

I read that you did things like yoga. And how important was journaling? Because there’s a lot of talk around journaling.

Charu Moorjani: Yes.

Rita De Michele: How important was journaling for you?

Charu Moorjani: Very important. To be honest, the book wouldn’t have been there if I didn’t have journals. I started journaling because I didn’t really know what to do with my feelings. So it was just about writing what I was feeling, what was happening, what was inside me. I think that helped me get a lot out of my body, and it made things real. Sometimes you can’t freely talk to people about things, and there are things you don’t really acknowledge until you put them on paper.

Journaling is so important to me because it helps you release what you’re holding inside, and it also gives you direction about what you need to work on in your life and how you can make your life better. Even if you don’t want to write about how you’re feeling, start with gratitude journaling. That’s a huge thing that can change your life.

And it’s not just about being fake positive. It’s about recognising that there is good in what’s happening in your life at any stage of your life. If you recognise three good things every day, something as simple as your child smiling at you or the smell of coffee, writing those things down changes and revives your brain and your nervous system, and it helps you feel grounded more often.

Rita De Michele: That’s really good advice, because I think with journaling, and I’ve experienced this myself, we overthink it. We think, “I have to write the perfect sentence,” or “I’m not saying that correctly.” And as you said, it can even just be bullet points or one word.

Charu Moorjani: Yeah, no one’s going to read it. It’s just for you.

Rita De Michele: Do you find that journaling, and just writing anything however messy it is, has helped you move away from perfection?

Charu Moorjani: Oh, yeah, for sure. Sometimes I don’t even journal. I don’t write anything. I’ll just doodle in my book. It’s just to be present in that moment with myself and give myself a little break. You don’t have to write your feelings all the time. Sometimes you need to.

If you’re holding onto something, say you’re holding onto a grudge and always thinking, “Oh, they never apologised,” it actually creates a hole inside you. It’s negativity you’re holding onto. Sometimes you can just write what you’re feeling about that person and then throw it away. It helps you let go of things, and it helps me.

I did that with my ex-husband as well. There were a lot of unsaid things that had happened. I felt betrayed and wronged. But then I thought, “I don’t want to live my life being a victim.” This was holding a lot of negative energy in my body, so I needed to let it go.

I wrote a letter to him, addressed it, obviously didn’t send it and wrote down how he had wronged me, what I felt, and everything I wanted to say. Then I burned the letter. It was just a little ritual I did, and it helped me let go of things.

Rita De Michele: That’s something someone can do at home. Not everyone can afford a counsellor or therapist. So these are small things they can do at home to get started.

One thing I’d like to touch on, because boundaries are a very big thing. Being able to say no is so hard for people, especially people who are very empathetic and, like yourself, gave a lot of thought to others before they thought of themselves. 

Turning that around would be quite challenging. What did you do to start turning that around? And what were people’s reactions when they realised, “Whoa, she’s putting up boundaries, and she’s not the same person”?

Charu Moorjani: I was a people pleaser. The way I grew up, I was the elder daughter in the house and I was praised for being a good girl. So I always lived my life to get praise. I would always feel better about myself when I was making others happy. All my relationships and friendships were defined by that mindset.

So I had to go through a complete overhaul of all my relationships. I did an audit. I literally did an audit after I went through a divorce and healing. I thought, I have to do that for every relationship in my life. It’s not just romantic relationships that need boundaries; it’s everything. That’s how you trust yourself and stop abandoning yourself.

Initially, it was hard. I had to practice saying no in front of the mirror because it didn’t come naturally to me. In the book, I mention a few exercises to help you recognise how you can do that in your own life and what areas you can audit.

Gradually, I went through a lot of relationships. Some relationships fell away. When people are used to you always giving and being compliant, and then you change your attitude and give yourself more importance, people don’t always like that.

Some relationships evolved too. People understood that this was about me, and about evolving the relationship into something more meaningful. That’s what happens once you set boundaries. It’s not really cutting people off.

It’s evolving your relationship into something more genuine and real. That’s what you need in life. That’s what your nervous system needs, and it benefits both sides.

I think it took a bit of time, and there are still times now when I say no to people, and some are shocked. Eventually, I think they realise that I’m not the same person I was ten years ago. I’m a different person now. Some people respect that, and those relationships have stayed. Some don’t, and those have fallen away.

Rita De Michele: It is the natural pruning of evolution. When you evolve yourself, there’s just a natural pruning that happens. Do you find that you now attract a different kind of person around you than before?

Charu Moorjani: Yes, definitely. I don’t have as big a friendship circle as I used to. I had a massive circle before. Now I have more real, genuine connections, and I have a few close friends who respect me and whom I respect. We support each other in growing.

I attract people who have a very similar mindset. I’ve realised that once you work on your own mindset, you attract the same energy around you. So yes, it’s people with a very similar mindset who want to live in alignment with themselves, grow together, and support each other. A lot of women in my life are trying to support each other, grow together, respect each other’s boundaries, and give unconditional love.

Rita De Michele: Beautiful.

Biohacking is changing your lifestyle based on how your body is responding

So what does your health feel like now?

Charu Moorjani: I think my health is pretty good. I try to work out regularly, but I don’t do extreme workouts. I listen to my body. If I feel very tired on a day, I won’t punish myself for not going to the gym or feel guilty.

I usually work out two to three days a week if I can. Walks are very important for me because they’re a form of exercise, but they also regulate my system.

I do morning beach walks with my dog, and that is the best part of my day. I love starting my day like that. In terms of my health, I listen to my body now. If I feel something isn’t right, I try to question why it’s happening instead of just taking medicine and fixing it quickly. 

Maybe it's because I’ve been ignoring water? Have I not been eating well? Can I make little tweaks in my life and see how my health feels? Rather than trying to fix something that doesn’t really need fixing, it’s more about tweaking your lifestyle.

That’s what biohacking is, to be honest — tweaking your lifestyle, your eating habits, and what you do in your life based on how your body is responding.

What is the one thing that you would advise someone to start today?

Rita De Michele: What is the one thing you’d advise someone to start today, to come back to themselves and start recognising where they’re going against themselves, where they’re showing up for everyone else, and where they may be lacking boundaries?

Charu Moorjani: I’d say don’t try to change everything in one day. When you’re overwhelmed, the idea of fixing your life can feel really exhausting. So instead of trying to do something big, just make a small change. Ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can do today that brings me a little peace?” Not happiness. Not transformation. Just a little peace.

Maybe it’s taking a walk. Maybe it’s calling someone you love. Maybe it’s going to bed 30 minutes early to read a book, drinking more water, or writing three things you’re grateful for. These small moments start to build over time and shift how you feel, how you think, and how you show up for yourself. That’s where change really begins.

Rita De Michele: That kind of self-care, coupled with consistency, is where the biggest change happens. Your book is based on happiness. What does happiness mean to you now?

Charu Moorjani: After everything, happiness feels much quieter than I once imagined. It’s not constant excitement or perfection or having everything figured out. It’s waking up feeling at peace with who I am, having people around me who make me and my nervous system feel safe, living in alignment with my values, and finding joy in simple moments in life.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that happiness isn’t something we find — it’s something we intentionally create, one small choice at a time. In my book, The Happiness Pathway, there are small exercises, reflections, microhabits, and simple things people can actually do in daily life to reconnect with themselves.

Because sometimes just reading about something inspiring isn’t enough. What you do with it matters. I wanted readers to have that space to start their own journey while they’re reading the book.

Rita De Michele: I think that’s fantastic. Reading your book, that was one of the things that really stood out to me. As we mentioned before, having that space in your book to write your own words helps you embody the message you were making in the book.

And one of the things you touched on in this last section was values. I think that’s super important because if you ask somebody what makes them happy, they can tell you everything that makes them unhappy or everything they don’t want.

But if you say, “What do you want in life? What’s aligned with you? What does make you happy?” that’s where people struggle.

So would you say they should sit down and actually think about what’s really important to them? Because what’s important will create their values. How did you do that?

Charu Moorjani: There’s something called mapping your values what’s important to you. There’s an exercise for that. I started questioning myself: What do I really want ultimately in life? Is it success? Is it happiness? Is it freedom? What do I actually want? I think happiness was the top one.

And once you start drilling down, you ask: what does it come from? It comes from trusting myself. It comes from loving myself first. It comes from having peace in life and having the freedom to do whatever I want.

That’s how I came up with a value map for myself. And there’s an exercise for readers to work on their own value map, because everyone is different. What makes me happy will not make you happy. Everyone has to go on their own journey to identify their values and how to align with themselves. That’s what the book is about.

Rita De Michele: Yes. It can be scary, though. Once you start tapping into your emotions and feelings, that brings up a lot of fear for people, and that’s where they don’t want to go. Did that bring up fear for you?

Charu Moorjani: Oh, yeah.

Rita De Michele: Realising what you want?

Charu Moorjani: Yeah, for sure. While I was in the marriage, when I started questioning myself, that was the biggest fear because this was the societal norm I had lived with.

Walking out of a marriage meant letting go of my friend circle because all the friends were common. It meant going against my own judgment and defying those unsaid societal rules too.

It took a lot to take that step for myself because there was so much fear. I think that’s why it took me so long to make that decision, because I knew all along that it was something I needed to do for myself.

But I was ignoring it because it was scary. I think when something is scary for you, that’s where your healing lies. If you can take that first step for yourself, that’s when you start building self-trust. You start trusting your gut.

You start trusting yourself, and your body sees that too. I feel it’s all interconnected: finding alignment with yourself and trusting yourself enough to take a scary step forward.

Rita De Michele: I loved your book. Not only is it inspirational, but it’s also very practical, and that’s what I like about it; there are so many exercises in there. And for everybody listening, if you’ve appreciated Charu’s story, do go to the show notes because the link will be there to get her book.

I think it’s a very practical way to start coming back to yourself instead of being there for everyone else. As you know, the end result for you was Guillain-Barré syndrome. Great. Thank you so much for coming on.

Charu Moorjani: Thank you so much for having me, Rita. I’ve really enjoyed our chat.