PTSD To Life Coach

Transcript

Rita De Michele:

Hello and welcome to Beyond Diagnosis, a podcast created to raise your awareness, decisions, and voice around alternative practices, so you can take back control of your health.

I’m Rita De Michele, your host, mindset and empowerment coach, and founder of the Onus platform. Join me each week so you can create the health of your dreams.

I know you have a personal story to share, and before we talk about that, I would like to know a little bit more about what you do, why you do it, and how you help people move forward in life.

Welcome to the show, Lisa.

Lisa:

Thanks, Rita, for having me on. It is lovely to be back on a podcast after a bit of a break.

Let’s jump right in.

I have been in business for myself for around eight to nine years. Over that time, things have evolved, as they should. We are all supposed to evolve, grow, and change.

In terms of what I do now, I speak about myself as a strategist.

People can come to me with an issue, problem, or challenge, and my funny little brain likes to turn it upside down and sideways. I ask, “What if we look at it from this angle?”

That is what I mean by strategist.

It is about pulling apart a problem, looking at all the pieces, and then putting it back together into a picture that suits the client better.

That may be in their business or in their life.

People tend to come to me when they think, “Something is not working here. I need another way to see this.”

Moving Beyond the Familiar Zone

Rita De Michele:

Some people deliberately push themselves out of their normal environment. They might do something like walking on hot coals at a Tony Robbins event.

Then, sometimes life pushes people out of that zone through a relationship breakdown, a job ending, or another major life event.

Lisa:

Totally.

I tend not to call it the comfort zone, because people can stay there even when they are uncomfortable.

I prefer to call it the familiar zone.

We have had survival programming since cavemen were running from sabre-tooth tigers. The base operating system is still there. It is not that dissimilar.

However, our challenges are different now.

If people are familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it starts with safety.

People are asking, “Am I financially safe? Is my housing stable? Do I have enough food?”

Safety and stability drive us deeply.

How Culture Shapes What Feels Familiar

Lisa:

What we are exposed to often determines what falls within our familiar zone.

For example, some people grow up in traditional cultures. That might include Ayurvedic culture, Indian traditions, Chinese medicine, or grandparents making traditional remedies.

Depending on what someone is exposed to, that becomes part of what feels familiar.

For people like you and me, who grew up in a very Western model, the familiar message was: if you are sick, you go to the doctor. If you need to talk to someone, you see a psychologist.

That becomes the default.

Diagnosis, Prognosis, and Questioning Authority

Lisa:

A diagnosis says, “This is what your tests show.”

A prognosis says, “In medical terms, this is how it is going to be from here on out.”

That really hit home for me.

It helped me realise that it is okay to accept a diagnosis, but still question the authority of the prognosis.

At the time, around 2013 or 2014, I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

Initially, I accepted the prognosis.

PTSD, Anger, and Shame

Lisa:

For me, some of the symptoms and experiences were connected to the condition.

My primary PTSD symptom was anger.

I was very angry at everyone, all the time, but mostly at myself.

I broke bones in my hand punching the pantry door once. I also kicked a hole in the bedroom wall.

It was confronting, particularly as a woman, to deal with that level of rage and anger.

I think I would have self-shamed less if I had been a blubbering mess. Culturally, it would have been more appropriate if I had just been crying all the time, because that is kind of what women are expected to do.

Being angry brought up a lot of conflicting feelings, because it was not socially appropriate for a female to be so furious.

We often associate aggression and rage with men. So, I think the anger was definitely related to the PTSD.

Finding the Strength to Change

Rita De Michele:

Most people are too afraid to even change doctors, even if they are still within the traditional medical model. Let alone go to someone functional, alternative, or outside that system.

Yet here you were in that state, and you transitioned into a whole new state.

Can you elaborate on what you had to go through to make that happen?

Lisa:

If I knew exactly what got me off the couch, I would bottle it and be a millionaire.

At the time, I had children. They had clean uniforms, and the world kept moving.

They would drop in, give me a kiss on the cheek, say goodbye, and go about their day. But I was not really engaged.

All I knew was, “This is not okay.”

This was not the mother I wanted to be.

I had a two-year-old at the time. He would come and curl up with me on the couch and ask if I was feeling better.

I remember thinking, “When he is 10, I do not want this to be our relationship.”

Extrinsic and Intrinsic Motivation

Rita De Michele:

So you started asking, “What do I want? How do I want to show up?”

I think it starts as extrinsic motivation, but then you have to build intrinsic motivation to keep going.

Was that what happened for you?

Lisa:

Yes. The extrinsic motivation kept me going for a long time.

For a few years, I showed up because I was very conscious of the parent I was being and the partner I was being.

I cared about those people, and I wanted them to have a better experience of me.

Motherhood, People-Pleasing, and Self-Sacrifice

Rita De Michele:

I think our generation still had a strong aspect of mothering that was all for the other person.

Did that move into sabotage for you? Or was it more about people-pleasing?

Lisa:

That is an interesting question.

I think there was definitely an element of people-pleasing.

I was excellent at it.

The Lily Pad Path to Change

Rita De Michele:

Were there specific things you did that propelled you from the sofa to where you are now?

Lisa:

At the time, it all felt very coincidental. I do not really believe in coincidence now, but it felt serendipitous then.

I often use the image of a pond with lily pads on it.

I am the frog. I hop from one lily pad to the next.

That is what happened in my life.

One thing would appear, and I would follow it. Then the next thing would appear, and I would follow that.

It was about being willing to take action, rather than sitting and waiting for a Lotto win, magic, or rescue to arrive.

It was a mindset shift.

Eventually, after a few lily pads, I found myself at a life coaching school.

I went along for a weekend and completed two days of training. I remember thinking, “Okay, this is interesting. I have been challenged.”

Realising What She Did Not Want

Lisa:

One of the questions that shifted things for me was about what I wanted.

At that point, I was very focused on what I did not want.

I was angry. I was sore. I was broke.

That was what life was serving me, because that was what I was fixated on.

What you focus on is what you tend to see more of. You program your brain to give you more of it.

I realised I had not considered the opposite.

That was a turning point.

I started asking, “What does the opposite look like? How do I want to feel? What would I actually like?”

Medication, Change, and Support

Lisa:

Around that time, I had been considering coming off some medications.

I was on antidepressants, the pill, and some other tablets I do not really remember now.

I had already reduced them quite a lot. I was on one tablet every second day, so the dose was already quite low.

Coming off antidepressants is absolutely something people should do slowly, and potentially with guidance from a doctor.

What Is NLP?

Rita De Michele:

Can you explain NLP in simple terms?

Lisa:

For me, Neural Linguistic Programming is a set of philosophies, techniques, and processes.

It provides a framework for the way you look at the world and the way you interact with the world.

It is a tool.

I know some people feel fearful of NLP or have negative associations with it. It can carry connotations of manipulation.

However, I see it differently.

Reality is more fluid than people often like to think.

We all have our programming. We have our familiar zone, our safety bubble, and the way we see the world.

That becomes our reality and our truth.

We may carry stories like, “Everybody is out for themselves,” or “Money is the root of all evil.”

Those stories become our truth in our world.

Sitting in that room for the first time made me realise I could question those stories.

Mindset, Health, and the Body

Rita De Michele:

Did you find that fibromyalgia was impacted positively?

Did your depression and anxiety change?

Was it hand in hand with your health?

By changing your mindset, doing something different, and letting your subconscious know, “I am more than this. I can do something for myself,” did you feel that in your body?

Lisa:

I cannot speak to the exact timeframe, but I absolutely know there was a shift somewhere within that process.

Rita De Michele:

The mind and body are so connected.

Digestive issues, unfavourable bacteria, and other physical factors can influence the mind. But the mind can also influence what happens in the body and contribute to more positive outcomes.

Lisa:

I can only speak for myself, but for me, any framework, rule book, or philosophy that creates separation between the mind and body is missing part of the picture.

When Diagnosis Is Not Enough

Lisa:

I recognised that the medical world could not give me the answers I was looking for.

It could not take me to that next level.

It ended at diagnosis.

It was, “This is what you have. You have fibromyalgia. Tick. I am done. I told you what is wrong with you.”

I was left thinking, “How do I get better? What happens next?”

That was it. That was what I had now.

It felt like the focus was on diagnosis rather than healing.

So, for healing, I had to go elsewhere and look elsewhere.

Trauma, PTSD, and the Layers Behind the Diagnosis

Lisa:

At first, I thought the PTSD came from my work background.

It is not unusual for people in police, fire, or ambulance roles to witness a lot of trauma. It is common for people to leave with some form of mental strain or struggle.

I thought that was what caused it.

It was only through unpacking everything over the next 18 months to two years that I realised there were other contributing factors.

I am a dual rape survivor. I also carry intergenerational trauma.

There were other layers underneath it.

The Need for Mentorship and Modelling

Rita De Michele:

Were you looking for someone who had been through something similar?

Lisa:

That is a good question.

I remember thinking, around 10 years ago, that if a mentor had appeared in front of me who had been on a similar journey, I probably would have latched onto them.

I would have asked, “How did you do it? Show me all the things.”

I do not know that I was consciously looking for that.

I think I was lucky in that I kept falling forward and managing to catch myself.

Exploring Holistic and Functional Support

Rita De Michele:

Did you see a holistic practitioner, functional practitioner, or anyone else who helped you manage the pain or resolve some of it?

Or was it more about changing your mindset?

Lisa:

I have seen so many therapists and specialists.

I have spent thousands and thousands on testing.

I collected more diagnoses along the way, including Hashimoto’s, hypothyroid, and hypoparathyroid.

I have a long list of things I either have or do not have.

Identity, Support Groups, and Healing

Lisa:

In some communities, especially communities of people who feel broken, some people strongly fight to keep that identity.

It is the next closest thing to their previous tribe, and I understand why.

They were very resistant to my suggestion that people could potentially get out of that and not have to remain in that state.

They were very protective of that identity.

I used to call some of those support groups “misery circles.”

Sometimes, it felt like a race to the bottom.

That can be a big hurdle for people who want to heal rather than sit in the identity.

Sometimes it makes you feel like you are going out on your own.

Rita De Michele:

It is scary for people, because to give something up, you have to replace it with something else.

You cannot just sit in a void.

If someone gives up that group, community, or tribe, they may feel a real emptiness.

Trusting the Next Step

Lisa:

Sometimes you follow someone for a bit, and then you deviate back onto your own path.

Trust that.

Be the frog.

Keep your eye out for the lily pads that pop up.

If something feels right, trust your gut.

One of the challenges I had when I had a lot of body-based health issues was rebuilding trust in my body and trust in my gut.

I had to learn what felt like the right way to go and what felt like the wrong way to go.

So, learn to sit with things.

Closing Reflection

Rita De Michele:

That is such an important message.

Your story shows what it means to move beyond a diagnosis, question the prognosis, rebuild identity, and look for healing rather than simply accepting that this is how life has to be.

Lisa:

Exactly.

Healing is not always one clear path. Sometimes it is one lily pad at a time.